Living My Way To The Answers

6 min readJan 15, 2022

I am a first-generation Guyanese-Egyptian-American. I was raised by a working-class single mother. I was familiar with the Los Angeles and Pasadena courthouses at a young age. In and out of court because of my parent's divorce and then my own bad behavior. My mom fought for me through the court system for custody. It took two lawyers and giving up everything to keep me. And as a first-generation born to immigrant parents, my mother could not prepare me for the life of growing up in America. As a multi-ethnic person, I have worked hard to unlearn and learn that I am valuable and my life has meaning. I thought my silence was the best way to navigate through the world, trying not to be heard or seen. Until I realized the depth of where it took me at the hands of people who claimed to love me.

Lesson 1: Silence carried me on a wave where I got pushed around and taken advantage of. I turned to writing in solitude to help me navigate my own thoughts.

In 10th grade, I fought with the school counselor to be enrolled in the Puente Project — a program for Latino youth to increase the number of educationally disadvantaged students who enroll in four-year colleges and universities. It was the only program (outside of the academy) on campus affording kids the opportunity to visit California colleges. Also, note here my mother doesn’t drive. I went to a “regular” (public) school. At the time, I didn’t have any ambition to go to college. I just knew I wanted the opportunity to have the exposure. Through Puente Project, I was made aware of a creative writing workshop after-school program, Spirit Awakening, a nonprofit helping at-risk youth and children in the juvenile justice system realize their spiritual identity. It was my first time sharing my personal writing with a small intimate audience.

Lesson 2: At a young age, I learned qualifications for opportunities to support ‘disadvantaged minorities’ only came in the form of programs targeting Black and Latino youth.

By 11th and 12th grade, I was on fire. By court order, I continued to visit my dad every other weekend and every summer, all summer. I was class president, leading and organizing fundraisers for prom. Co-Editor-in-Chief of the school newspaper, played varsity tennis, and worked at local elementary and middle schools supporting their after-school programs. And volunteered during lunch to help the children with disabilities program at a local middle school create their first school newspaper. A day after my 18th birthday, I was honored by the Pasadena Unified School District Board of Education with recognition for “Outstanding Service to John Muir High School and to the Entire Pasadena Unified School District Community.” I didn’t tell my mom or my friends about the acknowledgment I received.

By 12th grade, I led a student group to the school district to fight for the honors classes they were removed from our senior class offerings.

Lesson 3: I was creating my own path based on the interests I was pursuing. I am present with folks when we’re together and when we’re not, I’m on my grind. I had a life at home and with friends. And another life I was creating.

I was accepted to the University of Arizona, but I was holding on to hear back from the UCs before committing. The day I was to confirm my acceptance with UofA I received my letter to attend the University of California- San Diego. Where I was once told by my high school counselor, there was no way a UC would accept me because my test scores were low. I am grateful UCSD saw something in me, most didn’t. Prior to starting, I didn’t know about UCSD’s Oasis Summer Bridge program, a year-long transition program that begins with a 5-week residential component. The program serves students in language, math, science, study skills, and writing as well as peer counseling and peer mentoring to help students adjust to their college education and environment. College was my first experience interacting with a predominantly White and Asian population. Adjusting academically and culturally was tough. I went on to fail a few classes. I ended up enrolling in winter and summer sessions to make up for them. During my college years, I worked, volunteered, led social events, and created my own definition of community. Advocating for social justice and social change. I managed to graduate in four years.

Lesson 4: They say you need a team. I learned to move on my own with the blessing of strangers and opportunities that support me along the way.

I graduated from college in June 2006 and left to serve as a Peace Corps volunteer in Morocco flying out of JFK on September 11, 2006. I worked in the Youth and Community Development sector.

I was isolated in a village for a year with no internet and moving into my second year, I was constantly addressing racial issues and discrimination within the Peace Corps community. I quickly learned ‘American’ was a synonym for ‘White’. I spoke on diversity panels for incoming Peace Corps volunteers and helped revamp the diversity training manual for staff to make them aware of the diverse community of volunteers across the US. I also wrote a grant and initiated a local Computer and Resource Center in partnership with local community members, Moroccan Ministry of Youth + Sports officials teaching them project design, management & effective evaluation. I have maintained a relationship with my host family in Morocco throughout the years. My first visit back to Morocco in 10 years was in 2019.

Lesson 5: I found community with strangers in Morocco more than my American Peace Corps peers. I wrote in my journal every single day to make sense of the past, write about the present, and envision my future.

I returned to the US from the Peace Corps a few weeks before my 25th birthday. It was 2008 and we were in the middle of a recession. My first job upon my return was at the LA Conservation Corps. I had reinvented myself no longer able to go back to who I was before I left the country. I grew more in those 2 years than the 22 years prior. I didn’t own a television for the next 10 years. Over the course of the next decade, I would work across industries: Nonprofit, Technology, Research, Design, Automative/Technology, etc.

The Black and Brown narrative taking place in homogeneous work environments [insert Issa and/or Molly’s Insecure HBO work scenarios here] are far too real. It’s our life’s work of fighting against the grain for opportunity, advancement, and overall respect for our contributions to the business. Without even trying, we can be a threat to those around us by our mere presence. Let it marinate when reflecting on your own experiences. Sometimes our intuition can tell us it’s time to leave a job and/or work at changing the company culture. I’ve left three jobs without having another lined up. I’ve also created new spaces for myself and others in workplaces. Feed and trust your intuition. I use to hold on until it became too much to bear. Now, I know myself better.

Lesson 6: Listen to your intuition. Everything may not be adding up perfectly in the moment, but it will make sense. It is worth the hard work and sacrifice.

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.

Written January 2018 | Revised January 2022