Defining Myself | Navigating Identity and Authenticity in Unwelcoming Spaces (Poetry/Spoken Word)
“As a Black lesbian mother in an interracial marriage, there was usually some part of me guaranteed to offend everybody’s comfortable prejudices of who I should be. That is how I learned that if I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. My poetry, my life, my work, my energies for struggle were not acceptable unless I pretended to match somebody else’s norm. I learned that not only couldn’t I succeed at that game, but the energy needed for that masquerade would be lost to my work.”
-Audre Lorde
Walking into a room and having most folks look like you must be nice. You have similar upbringings and interests. There is no need to adapt, no need to fully step outside of who you are. Tell me about that experience for you.
I have to walk into environments and hope that what I say and do is understood. I must ensure my presence makes everyone comfortable, even if they harm me.
I learned to define myself for myself. I have worked hard to keep my soul intact. Soft and honest with integrity. Boundaries. Let me tell you about my experience, asking myself, How did I get here again?
Nah | Written July 6, 2015
Try to control me.
Tell me to work harder,
Smile more,
Sacrifice my time and energy.
Knowing you don’t give a shit about me,
I must make you feel comfortable.
Otherwise, I don’t fit in
Organizational culture.
I am one of few shades of brown.
To be unsatisfied here,
To them it means,
There is something wrong with me.
I can’t walk in and be myself.
I have to remind myself,
Not to be myself.
Realizing I am truly
Not welcomed
In this community.
Cheap labor —
Positioned to be less
Than those around me.
How did I get here again?
Never trust anyone
Who tells you
You are not worth
What you have worked for.
— Page 54, I Write Letters in my Thoughts
🇪🇬🥭🇬🇾 Name dipped in mango | | منى خليل | #iwritelettersinmythoughts | www.monakhalil.com | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook @iammonakhalil
